


They Lie There Hand In Hand

by almizil



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Asexual, Internalized Acephobia, M/M, ace fic, ace niall, youtube au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-28
Updated: 2014-10-28
Packaged: 2018-02-23 01:25:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2528882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/almizil/pseuds/almizil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It started when Louis tweeted “Any suggestions for my next video?”, and multiple fans immediately started begging him to collaborate with Niall Horan. The name seemed familiar. He’d heard it before, but he didn’t really care enough to keep up with other YouTubers. “@MRS_ TOMLINSON92 whose that ?” he tweeted back. Cue about 10 or 20 links to the same video. Interesting.</p>
<p>(Or, Louis and Niall are YouTubers who become a duo, then a couple. Their flaws make things complicated.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	They Lie There Hand In Hand

**Author's Note:**

  * For [temerity (forsanethaec)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/forsanethaec/gifts).



> The prompt was just for a YouTube duo AU, where they charm the hearts of shippers, and somehow this turned into a fic about asexuality. Whoops!!
> 
> Because it's based off my own personal relationship with asexuality, I'd like to definitely give a content warning for internalized acephobia and some less than perfect opinions regarding it, mostly from Niall, himself. Please take caution if you're ace, too!! Also, this was never intended to be a fic representing all aces so please, don't assume any of Niall's experiences are universal. 
> 
> Title from "Flaws" by Bastille, because if you only listen to one song mentioned in this fic, have it be that one.

It started when Louis tweeted “ _Any suggestions for my next video?_ ”, and multiple fans immediately started begging him to collaborate with Niall Horan. The name seemed familiar. He’d heard it before, but he didn’t really care enough to keep up with other YouTubers. “ _@MRS_ TOMLINSON92 whose that ?”_ he tweeted back. Cue about 10 or 20 links to the same video. Interesting.

He clicked it open, eyes narrowing in curiosity… It seemed to be just a normal video. Another youtube singer, just like him. And, judging by this video in particular, not half bad. He sat there with his guitar in front of his webcam, singing a simple song, a cover of I’m A Believer, and by all means it should have been boring, but something about it made it somehow  _really_  good. Interesting. When the song finished, he strummed the guitar one last time, and raised his eyebrow at the camera. Louis pursed his lips. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to collaborate with this guy knowing how likely it was for him to literally steal all his fans with that look. Then he started talking, his deep Irish accent painfully obvious, and Louis was 87% sure that he wouldn’t want to collaborate with someone like that. Too much risk not enough rewards, since, not to brag, but Niall had only about half as many views on this video than on his least-popular one…

“ _I’d like to thank um…. @narry97”_  Niall laughed at the user’s twitter name genuinely and truly, as if it was the funniest thing in the world, “ _for suggesting that I do I’m A Believer by the Monkees… Love that song a lot, actually. The first time I heard it was when I was on my way to my first football game at probably, oh what was it, I must’ve been about 8 years old at the time.”_ he chuckled, probably remembering something funny about the experience. ” _Anyways, guys, um… Thanks for your questions. Got a lot of em this time, actually, as you can see there”_ He waved around wildly to the spots where he had later edited in screenshots of tweets and youtube comments asking him ridiculous things and Louis was now 96% sure that he would lose all of his fans to this guy. As Niall reassured his fans that he and Harry (who?) were not dating, Louis considered whether or not anyone would notice if he deleted the tweet even asking who Niall was… Too risky, of course. But then he heard his name.

“ _And then @louisandzayn asks, umm, ‘do you like louist92?’”_ He pronounced the ‘t’ within the word, rather than as simply his last initial. Louis couldn’t decide if it was weird or endearing. “ _Great question._   _Actually I do. Follow him on twitter—he’s hilarious. And then like… I’ve seen all of his videos. Some more than once—actually I think I’ve seen all of them probably about twenty times”_ He laughed again, not even worried about how strange that might sound “ _He’s a talented guy, ain’t he? Bought his original songs as well, I have ‘em on my phone. Amazing songwriter. I’d definitely say he’s one of my favorite artists.”_

And, well. Interesting.

“ _What’s his twitter ?”_ he then tweeted at no one in particular, but it got him his answer and he clicked on it, following him back immediately. “ _@NiallOfficial thanks for the shout out . I’d love to work with you sometime :) Shoot me a message,”_ he typed, and that was how it started.

\---

“Hiiii ‘Louist’92 here and I’m excited to say that I’ve heard your requests and your prayers, your hopes and dreams…. and I’ve made the executive decision to ignore them entirely!”

Niall, off-screen, laughs loudly. A pillow hits Louis’ head. Louis shouts, “I’m just kidding!! Niall’s here!!!”

“Tadaaaaa!” Niall glides into the frame on a wheelie chair, dancing, and slides in next to Louis,, who joins in as soon as he sees what Niall is doing. They dance in sync, playfully, and finish with wild jazz hands and exaggerated panting.

“So, fans and loved ones, we’ve whipped together a  _very_   _very_ quick song. This artist is one that Neil here--”

“Niall”

“ _Neil_  here, being as romantic as he is, quite loves. I’ve never done any of her songs before though so please, bare with me. This is,”

They speak together, “Everything Has Changed,” by Taylor Swift and Ed Sheeran.”

They play the song, happy and smiling. Niall watches Louis to make sure they stay in sync, Louis watches the camera, only occasionally looking back at Niall, a smile spreading on his face each time he does. They both glow with joy each time they nail the harmonies perfectly.

When they finish, they spend a moment staring at each other with a smile, before Louis looks back at the camera and says,

"Thanks for watching. Please remember to like share and subscribe of course. If you liked this whole duet thing then let us know so we can work on something new for you guys!"

"Thanks for watching you guys!!!!" Niall said with a smile, waving up at the camera. Louis glances over once then joins in waving at the camera when the video ends.

\---

During breakfast, Niall watched his subscriber count triple in awe. Amazing. One video with Louis fricken Tomlinson and his YouTube channel, his Twitter, and his Facebook page all completely blew up.

On the one hand he wasn't too surprised, seeing as he knew Louis was huge on YouTube right now, but on the other hand, a big part of him was sure that nothing would change after singing "Everything Has Changed,” in a wild show of life's true irony. He had been certain it at least wouldn't be this big.

He was glad, though. Not because he cared about the popularity aspect of it, but rather because it meant he wouldn't be allowed to forget. It was still like a dream almost, if he was being entirely honest with himself. He'd been such a big fan of Louis' for so long. To see him in person like that was great. To talk with him? Greater. To sing with him?  _Legend._

Niall couldn't help but feel like if he wasn't being reminded every few minutes by his mentions on twitter, he wouldn’t believe it ever happened.

And, speaking of twitter, his mentions were indeed very, very interesting. He looked through them with his face bright, bright red. He had always known about shipping, of course, and none of this was even new to him personally seeing as any time Harry showed up in a video he got the same response. He and Harry would always entertain themselves by reading through them and laughing, since they were hilarious. But when it was  _Louis_  it was different. It was much more... Something.

So when he looked at Twitter and all of his mentions were talking about how obvious it was they were in love with each other… He hoped that it was only the fangirls on twitter, and that Louis didn't pick up on his obvious crush in the video. He wasn't optimistic.

As he ate his cereal, though, he ended up fantasizing about his big fat crush being mutual, and the tweets being accurate. He was in the middle of a teenager-esque wistful sigh when Harry, his roommate, walked into the kitchen and made him jump.

“Morning Harry,” he said, closing his eyes so he wouldn’t outwardly roll them at himself.

"Morning! Saw the new video," Harry said. "Very nice."

Niall smiled. "Yeah we worked pretty hard on it. It was fun."

"Does he know you’re ace."

Niall almost choked on his spoon. "What the fuck, Harry,” he said.

"I said, 'does he know you're ace," Harry elaborated.

"Yeah I heard you the first time."

"Oh. Okay." He paused. "So does he?"

Niall put his cereal spoon back in the bowl. Now was not the time for this. "No, of course he doesn't. You know that. Why would he. I barely know him."

"Yeah... but it’s pretty obvious that you two are both pretty in to each other. Might want to let him know before he starts to expect that you two will be...  _Into_ each other." Niall didn't have to look up to know Harry was laughing at his own terrible innuendo.

"He's not going to expect anything because we're like... We're not even really friends. We did one song together," Niall objected.

Harry leaned over the counter and grabbed one of the apples from the bowl. “Trust me, the look on his eyes said that you’re at  _least_  friends. And I know you like him. If you want this to go anywhere you're going to have to tell him before things get serious."

Niall couldn’t really disagree. Ah, Harry. Always the voice of reason. Wait, what? "Since when were you the voice of reason?" He asked.

Harry got that offended look on his face. "Excuse you  _I_ am always the  _most_ reasonable." When Niall just stared, he continued, "I'm just repeating your own words back to you, bro. Remember when we got drunk and sappy last month?"

Niall frowned. That did indeed happen; he had a vague recollection of it. Laying on the floor of Harry's room with the lights off and staring up at the ceiling covered in tiny glow in the dark stars ("Harry you’re twenty years old" "Doesn’t mean I can’t dream" "You’re a dumbass." “Thank you.” “You’re welcome.”) until they faded away. Talking about life, love, and how the could sneak a dog into the apartment without the landlord noticing.

They talked about how they each learned their orientation. How great of a coincidence it was that they became best friends without knowing how much they had in common. About when they didn't really know themselves. The possibilities of a sitcom about an alloromantic asexual and an aromantic allosexual living together, with a secret dog.

That was when Niall told Harry that he couldn't imagine himself starting a relationship with someone without telling them first. His last relationships had all been before he really knew asexuality was a thing. He didn’t learn about it until near the end of his last one. It was... Tough. Uncomfortable. Messy. He didn't want to do that again.

Niall sighed, thinking about it. "Okay yeah you're right. I'm right. If things ever go anywhere I'll make sure to tell him first."

"You sure?"

"Yep. Honestly though I don't think its ever going to get to that point. This isn't going anywhere, Harry. I promise."

Harry got that look on his face, the one he always would get when he knew something Niall didn't.

"Shut up, Harry." Niall stood and put his empty cereal bowl in the sink. "I'm going to work."

"I'll go with," Harry said, "Need some coffee."

"Great," Niall said flatly. Harry just grinned at him, though, and Niall couldn't resist those dimples, so he smiled back.

Work wasn't far from their apartment, so Niall and Harry walked together, chatting idly about some television show Harry was trying to convince Niall to watch.

When they got there a young girl made eye contact, and her eyes went wide. "Niall!" she said quickly, "And Harry!" she added.

"Hiiiii," Harry replied, a simple lad happy just to be acknowledged.

"I love your channel!" she said to Niall. It wasn’t unheard of for fans of his channel to approach him, but it was certainly rare. So they had a short short short chat together before Niall had to actually get to work, and the girl had somewhere to be. She thanked them for their time and went on her way while Niall went behind the counter and Harry got in line to order.

It was about twenty minutes later when Louis got there. Harry, who had sat down at a table with some coffee, saw him first, immediately turning to Niall with a huge stupid grin on his face. Niall only momentarily glanced at the door from the latte he was passing across the counter buy he immediately looked up when he saw that it was Louis.

"Louis!" He called slightly too loudly for someone who was supposed to be working hard. Louis waved and approached the counter. Niall smiled. “What’re you doing here?”

“Well I was walking to get a sandwich for my lunch break and a fan stopped and asked if I was coming here to see you,” he explained. “Didn’t know you worked here!”

“Oh so you work nearby?”

“Daycare just a few blocks over. Just a secretary job to pay the bills while I make videos. Might have to come here more often now that I know you’re here.”

Niall smiled at that. “So, then, what’ll you have?”

“Uh, do you guys have a mocha frappuccino type thing here?”

“We do indeed.”

“I’ll have that. Are you going on break soon?”

Niall glanced around the shop, which was not busy. He glanced at the manager, who was flirting with the other barista. “Yeah I think I could do that,” he replied with a smirk. They joined Harry at his table once Louis had his drink.

“Hey, Louis. Love your videos. I’m Harry,” Harry introduced himself with a polite handshake, “And I just  _have_  to ask you, what are your intentions with my son, here.” He patted Niall on the back. Niall felt his face start to turn red as he laughed awkwardly, reaching over to pinch Harry’s side.

Luckily, Louis thought it was funny, and laughed. Then his face got quite serious and he replied, “My intention is to ruin your son’s chance at a solo career by forcing him to continue doing duets with me in hopes that they’ll continue being even half as successful as the last.”

Niall looked at him in surprise. “Wait, really?” he asked.

“ _Really_  really. Fastest any of my videos has ever gotten this many hits. I’ve gotten a lot of new subscribers and twitter followers, too. Something tells me you’re my lucky charm, Irish.”

Niall smiled. “Same here, but you’re so much bigger than me that I kind of expected that, I guess.”

“Actually I’d say you two are about the same height,” Harry said. Niall and Louis ignored him.

“So what do you say, Niall, would you be okay with doing more videos with me, maybe?”

Niall smiled wider than ever and said, “Of course, yeah!” Louis looked almost genuinely surprised at this answer and he smiled back with his whole face, and Niall wanted nothing more than to make him smile like that every day.

That week, in between song planning with Louis, Niall practiced, recorded, and posted a solo cover of one of Louis’ songs, “Strong,” paired with an announcement of their official status as a YouTube Duo. “We’re still going to post some songs on our own, obviously, but look forward for more Louis and Niall stuff in the future, yeah?! And don’t forget to keep tweeting both of us suggestions for songs to do solo  _or_ together!” he finished the video with a friendly salute and a wide smile.

It didn’t take long before he was spending more afternoons at Louis’ place working on new covers and songs than at his own apartment. Harry spent an entire week singing “I told you so,” every time Niall came home late with his guitar in tow and a smile on his face. Niall threw pillows at him.

\---

"Hello everyone, my name is Louis Tomlinson," Niall says.

"And I'm Niall Horan from Ireland," Louis says in a mocking Irish accent. Niall laughs.

"We're here to--" Niall starts, but he's still laughing, "We're here-- we are--"

Louis snorts once as if he had been holding it in but pulls himself back together quickly to say, "We’re here to sing a cover of "Breezeblocks" by alt-j. Hope you like it."

He looks at Niall who starts playing the guitar, still smiling, his face red from laughter.

Luckily, Louis sings the first part, coming in with his piano. so he has time to relax before joining in with the harmony.

As the song continues they get more and more ridiculous in their creative liberties. That is to say, they get more and more wild in their singing style, occasionally seeming to forget to pay attention to their pitch as they almost shout 'nanananana' at each other. They exaggerate the slow parts to a similarly absurd degree.

When they reach the "please don't go" part they return to an organized chaos however, and manage to do the round at the end perfectly, Niall following Louis' lead flawlessly, resulting in some proud looking faces.

About halfway through the video they seem to forget about the audience on the other side of the camera and make direct eye contact with each other as they sing, maintaining it through the rest of the song.

Niall plays the last chord on his guitar and they smile at each other before looking back at the camera in sync.

"Thanks for watching," Niall says, "Please remember to like and share and subscribe if you haven't yet!"

"And remember to tweet at us if ye have any ideas for our next video," Louis continues in the same exaggerated Irish accent. Niall immediately bursts out laughing again, almost going out of frame when he bends over.

He’s still laughing when Louis waves and reaches forward to cut the camera. The screen goes black.

\---

One day, they were hanging out in Niall's room, Niall on the bed casually strumming his guitar while Louis tried to work out new melodies and potential songs. For some reason, he was struggling more today than he had in the past. Louis couldn't help but smile every time he glanced up at Niall, even when Niall wasn't making funny faces back at him.

"What if we make a pop anthem. We could become a boy band. Boy duo. Get matching outfits and everything. Make a music video."

"Beautiful idea, Nialler let's just do that, then," Louis said sarcastically.

"Why not? Besides then we get labels. That’d be the best part. I can be the bad boy; I'll wear leather jackets and everything."

Louis scoffed. "You? The bad boy? Church boy, more like, let's be honest here."

"Funny one then, at least give me that."

"No can do, love. That's gotta be me. My only option."

Niall stopped strumming his guitar. When Louis looked up, he was frowning. "You'd be the hot one though," he said slowly.

Louis laughed slightly, and said, “Hey the other day I saw an article about Krispy Kreme.” It wasn't the most graceful segue but Niall didn’t seem to mind.

“Riveting story. Have you been taking lessons from Harry?”

He ignored that. “The article said that you can now get a box of 2,400 donuts,” he explained, “for like, an event or something.”

“2,400 donuts,” Niall repeated. He grinned. “So that’s like, an afternoon for me.”

“Something like that. I was thinking maybe we could make a video out of that.”

“Singing about donuts?”

“No, just like, a silly video where we try to eat as many donuts as possible and make a contest out of it.”

Niall’s face lit up, making Louis smile too. “A donut eating contest?” he asked.

“We could get Zayn to help. Keep it fair and all that.”

“As if I’d trust Zayn to keep you from cheating. He’d probably help,” Niall scoffed.

Louis couldn’t deny that, so he said, “Harry could help too I guess.”

Niall agreed to that and they spent the next hour working out the logistics before Niall had to go to work. When he asked when they’d do the video, Niall simply replied, “Soon.”

\---

Vine posted by Niall Horan:

Harry is on the far end of the couch, Louis on the near, and they’re watching T.V. Louis shows his phone to the camera--a keyboard app is open. Harry’s phone is to his right, between him and Louis.

A cut.

Louis plays the default Apple notification tone, subtly, and Harry checks his phone in the background.

A cut.

He does it again, and Harry checks again. Louis suppresses a laugh.

A cut.

Louis starts playing the Marimba ringtone, and Harry looks at his phone, then immediately looks at Louis and the camera and goes, “Heyyyyyy.” Louis bursts out laughing and Niall can be heard laughing too.

\---

' _Niall Horan has posted a new video'_ was the notification he got on his phone a week later, while he was sitting at work, bored. Louis clicked on it immediately, putting on his headphones. For the entire past week Niall had been too busy to hang out again outside of quick conversations at the coffee shop.

"Busy with what?" he had asked.

"New video."

"About what?"

"Its a secret," Niall had said with a smile, "You'll find out soon, I promise"

Louis, not the type to enjoy not knowing things, and did not appreciate this secret.

So when he saw the notification his attention was immediately captured. The video opened, and started playing, as videos will do.

" _Hey everyone! Song time! This time its a Horan original. A song I wrote this week for uh, a good friend of mine,"_ Niall said in the video, sitting alone with his guitar.

" _Is it me_?" A voice called from off camera.

" _No its not you, Harry."_

_"It’s TOTALLY me though"_

Niall just laughed and started the song.

The intro was simple, just a few simple chords repeated a few times. Simple but very effective. The beat was already apparent, and already great. Then Niall started singing.

" _You're insecure. Don't know what for. You're turning heads when you walk in the do-o-or! Don't need makeup to cover up being the way that you are is enou-u-ough..."_

His voice sounded great. He was full of energy. He sang loud and proud and made funny faces the whole time. Louis was laughing and smiling despite himself. He probably looked like a huge weirdo sitting by himself and laughing. He didn't mind.

Then, the refrain. Just as it started, Harry popped up from the bottom of the screen, bouncing slightly and making a confused face as if to imply he was just magically transported there by magic. But he sang the refrain with Niall, contributing a perfectly written lower harmony to Niall's melody. It worked great with Harry's voice. Louis loved it so much he was honestly getting the seed of jealousy by the end of the refrain.

Then Harry popped back down again, contorting his face to look like he was falling into a bottomless pit. Niall sang the second verse, clearly having a great time, and as hilarious as the video was, Louis had already started to wonder why Niall was singing it with  _Harry_ instead of him. After Harry popped back up for the second refrain and to finish off the song, though, he honestly had a pretty good idea why. He was good.

After the song, he skimmed his twitter feed. Even a few of the fans were asking why he sang with Harry instead of Louis this time, so before he could change his mind, he opened the "compose tweet" box.

" _Can't believe he chose to sing with curly instead of me!! :( :( :(,"_ he typed with no context, and pressed send. He turned away from his phone a pretended to be busy more for his own sake than his boss's, until it buzzed with the sound of a new tweet.

It was from Harry. " _@Louis_Tomlinson_   _the song was FOR YOU, you loser,"_  the notification read. He clicked on it so he could respond, but the tweet had already been deleted.

He stared at his phone mostly in confusion for a moment. He only then remembered the start of the video, when Niall said the song was  _for_ someone at all, and now knowing it was for him...

For the rest of his day at work, every time he checked twitter there were a billion new tweets about how nouis is real. Screenshots of Harry's tweet were floating around as well. Louis was teased for how much he smiled.

\---

Vine posted by Niall Horan, “ _we wanted to do #chandelier but_ _”_

In the background, “Chandelier” by Sia plays, “One, two, three--One, two, three drink,” with clips of Niall and Louis doing light yellow-orange shots. Behind them is a carton of orange juice.

A cut.

The camera is pointing at a chandelier in a room that is neither Niall nor Louis’. The song plays, “I’m gonna swing from the chandelier. From the chandelier,” as Louis runs into the frame and jumps up and grabs the chandelier. He manages to hang on for a second before the piece he grabbed breaks off and he falls on to his bum.

\---

On Saturday, they meet up to make the donut video. In order to save on costs, they decide to make their own, so Louis arrives at Niall’s apartment with two big bags of supplies for donut making. They film the introduction first, before retreating to the kitchen to make the donuts. Or rather, for Niall to make the donuts, while Louis sits on the counter watching.

“So was that song really  _for_  me?” Louis asked while Niall mixed some milk and eggs.

Niall glanced up, his face getting a bit red. “Told Harry you wouldn’t miss that tweet,” he mumbled before properly answering, “Yeah, it was.” He stared intently at the bowl, as if it might catch fire.

“Was it supposed to be, like, a secret or something?” he asked slowly, “Did you not want me to know?”

Niall started adding the flour to his bowl. “It’s not that, no,” he said while he mixed, “I wanted to tell you, I was just. I dunno.”

Louis’ eyes narrowed. “Niall Horan, were you scared?” Niall didn’t reply, which he took as an answer. “Of what? Did you think I wouldn’t like it? It’s a great song, you’re a great writer. I’m glad I’m working with you because you’re a real threat to my popularity, you know.”

“Yeah you’d be pretty fucked if I left, you know,” Niall agreed, grinning over his shoulder. Louis stuck out his tongue back. Niall continued, “I’m proud of the song, though. I think it’s good. Just wasn’t sure if you’d appreciate the lyrics, is all.” He looked back at the bowl, continuously adding flour and other dry ingredients.

“I don’t dislike them… Not sure if they’re really applicable to me, though. I think I’m pretty aware of my own beauty. After all, I do have the perfect ass.”

Niall laughed. “I’m not sure you really realize how great you are, though,” he said gently, “I don’t think enough people tell you.” Louis said nothing so he continued, "I don't think anyone  _could_ tell you enough. You're pretty amazing, you know."

Louis was silent for a moment, considering his words before he quietly said, "So you really like me, then, don't you."

Niall laughed slightly; he seemed nervous. "Didn't really plan on telling you  _that_ for a while but yeah. Yeah, I do."

"That wasn't a question."

"Oh."

Louis silently watched Niall's back as he combined ingredients. Niall's ears were a bright pink color. Niall pulled out an ice cream scoop to shape the donut dough into donut holes, and Louis spoke. "So if I asked you on a date, does that mean you'd say yes?"

Niall turned. "Depends."

"On what?"

"Are you asking me on a date right now?"

"It's a hypothetical, Neil."

Niall considered it for a moment. "Well it depends on whether or not you feel the same," Niall said slowly, "Don't want, like, a pity date or anything like that."

"So, hypothetically of course, if I were to feel the same, and asked you on a date, would you say yes?"

Niall smirked. "Hypothetically?"

"Hypothetically."

"Yeah, think I probably would."

Louis hummed. He was staring at Niall from his seat on the counter, and Niall was leaning against the counter staring right back. There was a strange look on his face.

"You know, I get the feeling," Niall said slowly, picking up the bag of flour presumably to put it away under the counter Louis was sitting on, "that I'm not really," he moved toward, until he was in between Louis' legs, "the only one who's scared." As he finished d his sentence he threw a handful of flour from the bad directly in Louis' face.

And that was, well, certainly not what Louis expected. To say the least. As Niall laughed, he reached behind him and grabbed the first jar he could find--peanut butter--and opened it. He quickly reached his fingers in and out of the jar and before Niall could even open his eyes long enough to see what he was doing, he smeared peanut butter on his nose and cheek.

Now they were both laughing. Niall reached into the flour bag for a second attack but Louis grabbed it before he could and added some flour to his peanutty face. Niall grabbed the peanut butter and spread it in Louis' hair. Things got more and more hectic as they grabbed various things from around the kitchen to attack each other with, laughing and screaming. It ended when Louis slipped in a puddle of  _something_ , and pulled Niall down on top of him. Laughing, Louis tried to push himself up but only slipped and fell back down, causing the two to laugh even harder, in a pile on the floor.

Louis was happier and more comfortable than he could remember being in a very long time.

“You’re right, you know,” he said quietly when their laughter died down. Niall was still sprawled over his stomach. Niall made a questioning noise, so he continued, “I  _am_  scared.” Niall didn’t say anything, but he had adjusted himself so he could watch Louis’ face. “I haven’t exactly had, um, the best of luck with relationships,” Louis continued. He looked at the ceiling to avoid Niall’s eyes. “I always seem to go for people who,” He paused. “Who don’t quite fancy me as much as I fancy them, I guess you could say. Things crashed and burned every time.”

Niall lifted himself off Louis’ body and laid out on the floor next to him, leaning up on one elbow to look at him. “So you’re scared you like me more than I like you?”

Louis didn’t take his gaze off the ceiling, his hand wandering to his stomach, and the warm spot Niall had left behind. “Something like that, yeah.”

“Well I don’t want to insult you or anything, Tommo, but that’s probably the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. Literally impossible.”

Louis’ face scrunched up slightly at that. “You live with Harry ‘let me tell you a story about the time I saw a cat on the way to work that’s it that’s the story’ Styles,” he objected, turning slightly to face Niall. His face wasn’t at all turning a bright pink, and any evidence to the contrary was simply because of the strawberry jam that somehow got on there.

Louis couldn’t be sure that Niall wasn’t mocking him when his face scrunched up, too. “Good point, but I stand by what I said. I don’t think it’s possible.”

“I think I’ve heard that line before.”

“When.”

Louis turned back up to the ceiling as he sighed. “Which one do you want? My first girlfriend, who I thought would last forever. My first _boy_ friend, who ditched me when his  _actual_  crush noticed him, or literally any of my other relationships, honestly. Take your pick.”

Niall didn't say anything, and Louis would've given anything to find out what was going on inside his head. He glanced over at him, but his face was unreadable. "I’m not saying you’re lying... I just don't know how to believe you, I think,” he said.

Niall just smiled. "Its fine if you need to take your time and figure some stuff out. I'm patient," he said.

"Is that okay?"

"Of course. I'll back up and everything. Save any more song ideas I have for another day."

Louis frowned. "I never said you can’t keep writing songs for me."

"Oh so you still want me to write you songs about how great you are."

"Of course I do."

"Loooouis is the best on earth. Legends have been written 'bout his girth," Niall sang dramatically, causing them both to laugh.

"Sorry, bro. About not being ready," Louis said quietly after the laughter died down.

"It's fine. Let me know when you are, though. I'll still be here."

Louis opened his mouth to speak just when he saw a camera's flash go off, and a muttered curse. He immediately turned towards the counter to see Harry leaning over it with his camera even further.

"Harry what the fuck?" Niall was shouting before Louis could react. By the time Louis was sitting up, Niall was already chasing Harry down the hall shouting. He heard a bellowed 'the fans need to know, Niall!' and a door slam, and Niall returned, defeated.

Louis was on his feet and leaned over the counter. "There are worse pictures he could have," he said with a grin.

Niall smiled back. "Should we finally make the donuts?" he asked. Louis nodded.

Though Niall was in charge of the actual frying, Louis managed to help significantly with the scooping of the dough. And, as only a bit of it ended up in Niall's hair, he did a damn great job by his standards.

As he stood next to Niall, though, he couldn't help but think that he'd made a mistake asking him to wait. Maybe he wasn't quite ready, but maybe Niall was ready enough for the both of them. He couldn't get behind the idea of just, not trying because he was scared nothing would come of it.

When he was done preparing the donuts for Niall to fry, which took about half the time that it took Niall to fry them, he washed his hands and grabbed his phone.

Two texts from Zayn. " _omw did u ever make the donuts_ ," was the second one, displayed on his home screen, and the second said, " _i didn't realize u were living a romcom."_

_"yes we made the donuts prick and I have no idea what the the romcom thing means."_

_"check twitter."_

He did, and saw that Harry had tweeted the picture, along with a caption complaining about how messy the kitchen was. It. It wasn't a bad picture, if Louis was being honest. Couldn't really blame Zayn for the romcom comment. He and Niall were on the floor of a messy kitchen, covered in various types of food. Niall was up on his elbow, leaning over Louis. And Louis was looking back. They were both smiling wider than Louis remembered, and it was very... Romantic. His mentions were filled with fans who agreed. It seemed there was a campaign going to get #nouisweloveyou trending, which was sweet.

He watched Niall fry the donuts for a little while longer, thinking about whether or not he should just go for it. Sitting there in that kitchen, it only took him about ten minutes to come to a decision, and a plan. He excused himself to go to the bathroom, and knocked on Harry's door instead. He had some important things to discuss with regards to the upcoming donut eating contest.

"Hey, Lou," Harry said when he opened up, "you're not like, mad about the picture are you?"

Instead of saying 'no', he replied, "a bit, yeah, but I know how you could make it up to me..."

\---

The video starts. Harry and Zayn are sitting in Niall’s room, in front of his computer.

“I’m Niall Horan,” Harry says slowly into the camera.

“And I’m Louis Tomlinson,” Zayn adds.

“Wait, Louis, what happened to your hair?” Harry says flatly.

“What happened to  _yours_ , Niall? You’re usually so much more blond!” Zayn replies.

“I think we might’ve made a mistake. Let’s fix that.”

Harry and Zayn lift their hands and say together, “One, two, three!” and snap at the same time. Niall and Louis appear in their place. They pat their clothes and hair as if to ensure that they are, indeed, themselves.

“Much better. You look better blond, anyways, Nialler,” Louis says. While Niall smiles he turns to the camera. “Now today we have a very interesting video for you guys-- hopefully.”

“Yes, we do, we are going to have a donut eating contest.”

“It was going to be in honor of the Krispy Kreme Double Hundred Dozen box, however, as they refused to sponsor this video so we want to say, whatever you do, do  _not_  buy Krispy Kreme donuts any more. Just go literally anywhere else instead.”

Niall nodded. “And to the big wigs at Krispy Kreme, if you want your customers back all you have to do is give us some money and we’ll properly endorse you. Just say the word.”

“A million will do.”

“With interest and a little extra for our trouble.”

“Oh of course; goes without saying. Anyways, time for us to make the donut holes, nice and fresh! See ya!”

A quick cut and they’re back on the screen, this time sitting in the kitchen with two plates of donut holes stacked in front of them. They’re covered in various food stuffs, including flour, donut batter, and peanut butter.

“Things got a little wild in the kitchen, but don’t worry, we have the donuts,” Niall says first.

“Now, in order to make this contest fair and square, we’ve employed our good friends Zayn and Harry to help judge us to keep the game fair. Zayn will make sure Niall doesn’t cheat, and Harry will make sure  _I_  don’t.” Louis glances at Harry, a grin on his face. Harry winks back. Zayn and Niall don’t notice.

“We aren’t professional speed eaters so we’ve got absolutely no idea what the standard rules are, but we will have 2 minutes to eat as many donuts off of these plates as humanly possible. Whoever has fewer donuts left at the end, or whoever finishes first wins,” Niall explains.

“Let’s get started!” Louis says.

Another cut, and they’re both staring down their donuts. Zayn and Harry watch them, counting down from ten. Harry is holding up his phone, set to the timer, which is replicated in the bottom right corner of the screen. When their count gets down to five, Louis looks at Niall and reaches his hand over to his face, turning it to face him. He leans forward and plants a quick kiss on Niall’s lips. Zayn stops counting down but Harry keeps going. In only a moment, Louis is back in position, ready to go, while Niall hasn’t moved.

“Two… One… GO!” Harry shouts, pressing start. The timer in the corner starts descending, and Louis starts eating his donuts. Niall is staring at Louis, speechless. His cheeks are red and his mouth is grinning just the slightest bit.

“That’s not fair you can’t just do that!” Zayn objects.

“No rule about it!” Harry counters. “Not a cheat in my book!”

“Yeah but--”

“I’m the judge for him, remember?? My call! Not yours!!”

“Niall, bro, hurry up and eat!”

Niall blinks and looks at his donuts as if they had just appeared out of an alternate dimension. He grabs one and digs in, glancing at Louis’ plate to see how far behind he’d gotten. He eats faster than Louis, but in the end it’s not fast enough to counter Louis’ head start. The timer gets lower; Harry counts down from ten. The boys do their best to finish as many donuts as possible.

Louis wins by a long shot. Harry and Zayn cheer. Louis stands up so fast his chair falls over. Niall claps his congratulations. He finishes swallowing the last of his bite, and stands to join Louis. He offers his hand in a handshake, smirking. Louis smiles back and takes it. Instead of shaking it, though, Niall uses the hand to pull Louis in and kisses him properly, using his other hand to hold the back of Louis’ head. Louis kisses back, his arm immediately grabbing for Niall’s waist.

Harry claps his hands and turns to the camera. “Thanks for watching, if you like it please remember to like, share, and subscribe. Feel free to tell us all on twitter or in the comments what you think of this video!” he says happily, while unsubtley moving to the center of the frame in front of Niall and Louis.

“Hope you guys enjoyed that. If you’d like for Louis and Niall to make more fun non-music videos let us know! Again, thanks for watching. Bye!” He waves, and Harry joined in. Zayn glances behind them, and makes a grossed-out expression to the camera. The camera cuts out, and the video is over.

\---

Niall was happier than he had been in a long time. After the initial “Tell him,” Harry had backed off and let him handle his relationship with Louis on his own terms. Niall was thankful for that. Because really what they had was too great and perfect to risk losing by telling him. Every moment they could they had their hands intertwined, or their legs, or they were literally on top of one another. And the amount of time they spent kissing was so, so…. wicked.

Niall’s coworkers started teasing him for how much time he was spending humming to himself, and one day, his manager finally said, “Niall, why don’t you and Lewis play at open mic night?” Niall only had to think about it a minute before promising to talk to Louis about it. Open mic night was every Thursday night, and Niall had done them frequently before he started spending his Thursdays with Louis instead.

He pulled out his phone and sent the text, “ _Wanna do an open mic night together??? :)”_  then put it away and got back to work.

When his shift was over he checked his phone to find Louis had replied with a, “ _sure_!”

“ _ur place or mine tonight”_  he sent.

“ _zayns. hurry please.”_

_“okay :)”_

Niall stopped at home to change and grab his bike, and went off to Louis and Zayns’ apartment building. When he got there, Louis opened the door. He was greeted with a kiss and a hug and a whine of, “please save me.”

“From what?” Niall asked as he looked past Louis to see Harry and Zayn sitting all too close on the couch. Oh. “Wait what the hell’s going on?” he whispered.

“I don’t know, last I checked Zayn though Harry was irritating and pretentious…” Harry’s view hadn’t been much better.

“So what’s he doing here in the first place?”

“I don’t know but Zayn’s  _my_  friend so I’m not going to leave first.”

Niall just laughed, putting his arms around Louis’s entire body, and called out, “Bye Zayn, bye Harry, talk to you later, bro,” as he physically leaned back, picking Louis up with him, and left.

“See ya’, Niall!” he heard someone call as he somehow maneuvered the door closed with his foot. He carried Louis across the hall to his own apartment and leaned down to open the door carefully. He kicked the door shut behind him and put Louis down in the doorway.

“That was rude,” Louis said with a pout.

“What can I say? Wanted you all to myself,” Niall just smiled, leaning forward to kiss him. Louis kissed back but crossed his arms in what was definitely exaggerated anger. “Are you hungry? Have you had dinner yet?” Niall asked. Louis shook his head, so Niall walked to the kitchen area and looked in the cabinets to see what he could make. There was some simple and cheap boxed mac & cheese, so he pulled that out and grabbed a pot to boil water in.

“So why’d Harry come over anyways?” Niall asked.

“Don’t know. I went to Zayn’s after work and he was just  _there_ , on the couch, half naked. Zayn said they didn’t fuck. He  _actually_ tried to claim that. I didn’t think he’d lie to me but--”

“Harry does that a lot, don’t worry. He doesn’t like wearing clothes,” Niall explained. “Zayn might not’ve been lying.”

“Your roommate’s weird, man,” Louis said, eyes squinted and voice incredulous. Niall could only shrug and smile.

They talked about their days while the food cooked, standing close so close they could touch as they leaned against the counters, since Louis had no chairs. Niall almost forgot about the food altogether more than once.

Finally, when their bowls were set aside and they were sitting happily on the bed with Louis’ laptop set up to play some new show on Netflix, Niall remembered about the open mic night his boss had invited them to. He asked Louis about it again, and Louis was more than happy with the idea. They picked a new song Louis had recently written, titled “Fireproof,” and started practicing after only two and a half episodes.

\---

Vine posted by Louis Tomlinson

The camera is on Zayn, on the other end of the couch. He’s staring intently at a textbook, with his notebook open to the side, presumably studying. “Hey, Zayn,” Louis says behind the camera. Zayn doesn’t respond. “Zayn. Zayn. Hey, Zayn. Zaaayyyyn. Zen. Zayn,” Louis continues until Zayn is visibly frustrated.

“What _is it_ ,” he finally spats, turning to Louis.

“Love you,” Louis responds sweetly.

“Love you too, Louis,” Zayn replies, turning back to his homework.

\---

Unfortunately, Thursday turned out to be a particularly busy day that week. Apparently one of the university students at open mic tonight had invited the entire fucking campus, and the coffee shop was far too crowded for Niall to be comfortable. Coupled with pre-performance anxiety, he was on the brink of vomiting.

Luckily, his manager was nice, and let him leave the shop for the rest of his shift so he could breathe. “Want me to call Lewis for you?” he had asked, but Niall smiled and said no. He wasn’t sure what he’d tell Louis in the first place.

There was a parking lot nearby that wasn’t free, so the college students weren’t using it, and it was fairly empty. He headed over there to clear his mind and calm himself down enough to perform. He couldn’t let Louis down. He was mostly okay by the time 6 rolled around and Louis was supposed to arrive. Niall waited just outside the shop, avoiding going in until he absolutely had to. When Louis arrived, he looked pretty down, as well.

“You okay?” Niall asked.

“A little nervous, to be perfectly honest. Haven’t performed in front of actual real life people, not on the internet in a long time. Kinda scared I’ll mess it all up.”

Niall huffed out a breath. “You’ll be fine, Lou. You’re a great singer.”

Louis smiled. “You’ll do great, too. You’re a natural crowd pleaser. You have nothing to be nervous about,” he said. Niall smiled. He was okay with Louis assuming Niall was just nervous instead of claustrophobic.

They went inside to wait their turn, Niall silently keeping them on the outskirts of the room, and purposely keeping his focus only on Louis rather than the rest of the world.

Luckily, it wasn’t long before they were up. Niall picked up his guitar and they got on stage. Niall started playing, and Louis started singing. “I think I’m gonna lose my mind…”

And luckily, the crowd seemed to enjoy it. When Niall came in for the second half of the verse, they were already bobbing their heads to the beat and tapping their feet. Niall and Louis sang the refrain together, and a small group of probably drunk students started clapping to the beat--though not many people joined in since the sounds of the claps would’ve overpowered the admittedly outdated audio system the small shop owned.

All in all, the performance was a success. Louis didn’t mess up even once, and Niall made it through the song without puking.

The performance worked enough as a distraction that Niall felt much better after Fireproof. Louis advertized their YouTube channels and the two of them waved goodbye and they left the stage. Niall immediately beelined for the exit, without stopping to talk to anyone. Louis followed skeptically but surely.

When they were on the street Louis hooked his arm around Niall’s neck. “Great playing, Niall. They loved it. Amazing, isn’t it?”

Niall laughed and nodded, but carefully unhooked himself from Louis. “Sorry, man, I’m not feeling too hot--”

“Still have a bit of leftover stage anxiety?? I completely know how you feel. Have all the space you need.”

Niall just smiled again, not really wanting to correct him. They walked to Niall’s apartment together, hands intertwined, laughing about all the strange and unusual faces they saw in the crowd.

They fell asleep in Niall’s bed, cuddled close and tangled in a mess. In his room, under his blankets, and arm in arm with his boyfriend, Niall felt much better. He smiled into Louis’ chest as he fell asleep.

\---

“Hello I’m Niall Horan.”

“And I’m Louis Tomlinson.”

“And this is ‘Rude’ by Magic,” they say together.

As they sing, they each steal glances at the other and smile. During the refrain, they shake their shoulders in sync as a makeshift dance move. The cover plays through nearly flawlessly, and when it’s over they both smile at each other.

“Thanks for watching, please remember to like and share!”

“Tweet at us to let us know what other songs you’d like us to play”

“See you next time!”

\---

Louis couldn't sleep. He had been awake all night, lying in his bed ready for the sandman to whisk him away, but at no point did the actual sleep part come. He was glad it was a long weekend, so he didn't have work for two more days. Still, this was significantly fucking up his sleep schedule.

He pulled out his phone. " _Clear your plans for today after like four_ ," he typed in a text to Niall and pressed send.

He rolled back over and continued trying to sleep. When he woke up, it felt like he had been sleeping for only about five minutes, but when he checked the clock it was around three, meaning he had probably gotten a full eight hours. And he definitely would not be able to sleep normally tonight, either. Whatever.

" _Done,"_  was Niall's reply when he checked his phone. He smiled.

He got up and showered, and put on his warmest clothes. He grabbed every pillow and blanket he owned, and threw them in the back of his car. Then he knocked on Zayn's door to borrow his, too, with a promise that he wouldn't get come on them. By 3:45 he was on his way to Niall's apartment.

"So what are we doing, then?" Niall asked when he opened the door.

"Grab your warmest clothes and blankets, Niall, we're going out," Louis said, punctuated with a quick peck before he entered and went straight for the kitchen. He grabbed all the snacks he could find, ignoring the ones that were obviously Harry's, like the organic grass chips seasoned with rabbit poop or whatever they were. When he turned back around Niall was already gone to change. It was only a few minutes before they were in Louis’ car and on the road.

“Where exactly are we going?” Niall asked from the passenger’s side. Louis just smiled and turned on the radio. Niall, being the amazing and wonderful human being he was, took the hint and started flipping through channels to find a good song. He stopped on some recent pop hit, which they proceeded to belt the lyrics to at the top of their lungs. Then when that station got boring, he flipped to the next one, lather, rinse, repeat. They spent the entire hour long drive singing along to the radio.

When they arrived at the top of the hill, Louis parked his car and smiled at Niall. They were on the top of a very tall hill where they could watch the sun set over trees and a few buildings in the distance. Since it was November, and very cold, they were the only car there.

“Oh wait, is this it?” he asked. Louis nodded. He watched Niall observe the surroundings, and his smile grew when Niall looked back at him and said, “Nice place. Pretty.”

“Come on,” Louis said, getting out of the car. Niall followed. Louis grabbed all the blankets from the back and arranged them on the roof of the car before helping Niall up and then hopping up, himself. They got comfortable and leaned into each other as they watched the sun set, their hands intertwined under layers of blankets.

"Thanks for coming," Louis said, squeezing Niall's hand. Niall kissed his forehead in response, and they sat there until dark in a peaceful, warm silence.

With the dark came the cold, and with the cold came the rumbling of Niall's stomach, so Louis packed everything and everyone back in the car and drove back the way they came. It was only a ten minute drive before they came to a 24 hour diner, and Louis pulled into their nearly empty parking lot.

They got inside and found a seat, ordering burgers and fries and shakes. As they waited for their food, they discussed future video plans until Niall asked, "So what's this trip all about, then?"

"Not about anything. Couldn't sleep last night so I figured that if I'm not sleeping tonight either, might as well have some fun," Louis shrugged.

"So how'd you know about this place?"

"Passed it on the way, didn't you see?"

"You know what I meant," Niall pouted, opening the straw for his water and shooting the wrapper at Louis' face. Louis stuck his tongue out at him. The food came. They smiled politely and thanked the waitress, but as soon as her back was turned, Louis threw a chip at Niall. It landed on his lap, so he shrugged and ate it, making Louis laugh.

"Eleanor showed it to me," Louis finally answered as Niall's mouth was full, "We came here a lot when we dated. Was fun."

Niall nodded, mouth too full to talk.

"Only been here a few times since. With Zayn. I've missed it."

"Missed Eleanor?"

"No, just missed... This. Having someone to watch a sunset with, someone more important than Zayn, that is," Louis said, and the smile Niall responded with made him feel a bit warmer. "I mean it’s not like I don’t love the man to death but it's just not the same. He always gets bored and starts texting. Who is he always texting, anyways? ”

Niall laughed at that. He seemed hesitant to take another bite, and just when Louis was about to ask why, he asked, “Can I ask what happened between you and Eleanor? I first started watching your channel when you were dating, so like…” He didn’t finish the sentence.

“Um, well, I really liked her, and she really liked me, and then she realized that she wasn’t really as into men as she thought, so we broke it off. Still friends, though.”

“Eleanor’s gay?”

Louis shook his head. “No, she’s still bisexual. She’s attracted to multiple sexes. None of them are ‘male’, though, unfortunately for me.” He took a bite of his own burger with a shrug.

“Do you still love her?” Niall asked. Somehow, because it was Niall, he didn’t mind it.

“I dunno,” he said as he picked at his fries, “Guess so, probably. I don’t think I’d go back to her if I had the chance if that’s what you mean.”

“Why not?”

“I think I like this better.”

Louis watched Niall’s face get bright red at that, and they spent a few seconds smiling stupidly at each other before Niall replied in a whisper, “I think I love you.” Then immediately covered his mouth and cursed--“Fuck, no I didn’t mean to say that out loud, sorry, it’s okay if you don’t--”

Louis could only smile back, feeling warm and soft inside. “No, it’s--I think it might be mutual,” he said back over Niall’s apologies. Niall paused and they stared at each other for a moment before the both leaned forward over the table and kissed softly.

After that, the conversation shifted to their burgers, then to food in general, then to Harry’s cooking ability, then to some stupid thing Harry did last week, et cetera. Niall and Louis stayed and laughed for hours, ordering occasional milkshakes so they wouldn’t be kicked out for hogging a booth in the nearly empty diner.

When they left, it was nearly eleven o’clock and Niall was starting to get tired, after having woken up at a decent human time, so he fell asleep in the car on the way back home to Louis’ apartment. Louis almost didn’t want to wake him up when he arrived, but he had no choice. Niall was sleepy and groggy and overall uncooperative, but somehow Louis managed to get him to accept a piggy back ride up the stairs and in the door. As soon as he was in bed he was asleep. Louis was still not even a bit sleepy yet, but Niall looked like a bit like a comfy blond pillow, so he changed into his pajamas and joined him. He fell asleep almost immediately.

\---

The video starts with Louis on his keyboard playing some dramatic arpeggios with a somber look on his face. Niall is next to him with his guitar in his hands, also somber. Niall starts singing, “Today we thought, that we ought, to make a brand new melody.”

“But I found, we had a sound, but no lyrics were coming to me”

“Then our fans, gave us the plans, for the words that match these beats”

“We hope you smile, at me and Niall, while we play the song we made from your tweets.”

Niall starts strumming the guitar, and Louis changes his playing as the song becomes upbeat and catchy and they make funny faces as they sing various tweets and youtube comments they’d received. With each line, the actual comment appears somewhere on the screen as proof that it was real.

“Are they dating-- Frowny face-- or do they both have girlfriend?”

“Niall’s eyes are gorgeous--”

“--but Louis’ are okay.”

“I can’t believe they kissed.”

“Hashtag nouis for life.”

“Louis will you marry me?”

“Will you marry Niall?”

“Will you marry Zayn?”

“Was zouis real?”

“Is narry still real?”

“Love the video but please don't the gay.”

“Cut your hair!”

“Where’s Harry.”

“He ships nouis!”

“Louis cheated.”

“It wasn’t in the rules.”

“It was implied.”

They stopped playing and Niall said in a deep voice, “Show 22 comments--” and sang, “George Bush never should’ve won in 2000!”

“Sing Taylor Swift.”

“Ed Sheeran.”

“Nicki Minaj!”

“Gaga!”

“Haim!”

“Sing hair flip song together!”

They look at each other, shrug and sing together, “Baby you light up my world like nobody else,” and Louis dramatically flips his hair before the continue the tweets and comments.

“Will you follow me? 502.”

“Hope you’re happy!”

“Love you so much can we have a threesome?”

  
“Sunshine, Do you want to Be my boyfriend? You're incredible. Can you follow me? Please Niall - I Love you x 84.”

“Nouis is real!”

“Nouis is fake.”

“I love these losers.”

That tweet stays on the screen as they sing together, “Thanks for the support we hope you like and share this video! Remember to subscribe and Never forget, we love you, t--” but are interrupted when Harry jumps up behind them and sing-shouts,

“My name is Summer I’m 9 years old and I drowned if you don’t repost this on ten videos in the next five minutes--”

Louis reaches under the keyboard while Harry shouts and pulls out a comically large hammer shaped pillow, which he uses to whack Harry in the face. He and Niall turn back to the camera. They smile, sing “Too!” in harmony, and the video ends.

\---

It wasn’t that Niall didn’t like Louis’ blowjobs. In fact, he loved them. He really, really, truly, honestly, loved them. He was a genius with his mouth and his hands, honestly. It’s just that he felt bad because he knew he couldn’t return the favor.

He’d never really considered himself sex repulsed, since he had no problem with his prior relationships turning sexual. He would always just focus on the feelings rather than the actual activity and it was amazing. Couldn’t get enough, really. The trouble came when he was the one having to touch someone else’s genitals. He always got incredibly uncomfortable and soft, and only ever really managed to do it out of love for his partners, and the feeling that he was supposed to enjoy it, and if he did it enough times then maybe a switch would flip and he’d start to love it like everyone else seemed to.

When he finally realized he was ace, though, he realized that if he didn’t like it, then he didn’t like it. He stopped forcing himself to do things he never really enjoyed in the first place, and his partner at the time was okay with that. Then, that relationship ended for other reasons, and he never really worried that much about it until Louis came along with his wonderful, perfect, terrible mouth.

Sure he’d said that he wanted to take it slow and not get too physical too soon, and Louis had been okay with that, and he thought he was in the clear. Louis respected his boundaries above all else and never pressured him to do anything. Unfortunately, one day they were eating ice cream together and he accidentally said, “I bet you give great blowjobs.” When asked if he wanted to find out, he said yes, and didn’t even realize that Louis might expect one in return until it was already said and done. And at that point, he was hooked.

Louis had some magical way of moving his tongue around his penis that made him melt, and periodically he would pinch Niall in various places, which he was surprisingly into. And even the first time, Louis somehow knew exactly how to make Niall feel as good as possible. Sure, when he thought about the actual mechanics of dick sucking, he got a bit grossed out, but Louis never gave him a chance to think about anything but how  _good_  it felt.

While every time he told Louis he wasn’t going to return the favor, he accepted it and was happy to just cuddle instead, he could tell Louis was starting to get unhappy with the lack of reciprocation after the third time. Niall did his best to make it up to him with cute notes, texts, tweets, and presents, but there was only so much that Louis could take. He started coming up with excuses. Even roped Harry in to have sudden emergencies that would kill the mood. And, though his penis objected, even turned down Louis’ advances with claims of headaches or tiredness, which is what he did this night, telling Louis before they started watching Netflix, “I have a headache starting so I might fall asleep, sorry.”

“That’s fine,” Louis said simply, and pulled him close to cuddle as they watched. He lifted one hand to Niall’s head and started massaging it gently, and Niall honestly almost did fall asleep when Louis said, “You know, they say orgasms cure headaches…” and within minutes had his mouth around his cock, giving him what was really a pretty damn good orgasm.

Niall adjusted his position on the bed as brought himself up to his face for a kiss. He held his breath and kissed back, hating the taste on Louis' mouth, not really enjoying the sexual charge behind the kiss, but completely in love with the person behind it. Love is weird.

“How was that?” Louis asked, “Your headache get any better?”

Niall cringed before he could stop himself. “Not really…. Maybe it takes a while to work…” he replied. He could feel Louis’ eyes on him, staring very intently. He didn’t look back. “Kinda need a glass of water, I’ll be right back… I could make some tea if you like,” he said, probably too quickly.

“Sure, Niall. Tea sounds nice,” Louis replied softly. Niall leaned in to kiss him again, quickly this time, before hopping out of bed and off to the kitchen.

He poured a glass of nice cool water for himself as he waited for the water to boil, frowning. Despite his post-orgasm contentedness, honestly he felt like shit, overall. Absolute shit. What was he thinking? He knew he couldn’t keep lying. He had to tell Louis he’s asexual. He had to. Right now. He had to march back in there and sit in front of Louis and tell him, ‘I’m asexual.’ He stared at his water, feeling his gut drop to the ground as he thought about what Louis’ reaction would be. What if he didn’t want to see him anymore? What if he didn’t even want to be  _friends_ anymore? What if he didn’t even believe it was real… His mouth went dry; he drank his water. He forced himself to take deep, slow breaths before he made himself panic; he knew he  _could_  live if Louis stopped being a presence in his life, even over this, but he didn’t want to. He couldn’t think about it. Hurting Louis bad enough to make him cut him off entirely would be worse than a stab to the gut. He supposed it was karma that his head was now starting to  _actually_  hurt. Couldn’t really complain about that.

“The water’s boiling, you know,” he heard Louis say. He looked up to find him leaning against the door frame, arms crossed, a strange look on his face, what was probably a mix of emotions. Niall was getting tired but he could definitely see suspicion there, which caused his head to throb.

It took a second or two for the words to process. “oh! fuck,” he mumbled, turning around to put his glass on the table and tend to the tea.

“Stop, let me,” Louis said as he approached, his voice softening. He affectionately rubbed his hand on Niall’s back as he passed. Niall watched as he put the tea bags in the mugs and poured the water over, the silence between them palpable. Niall wasn’t really sure what to say. He could tell that Louis knew something was up, but also he was scared to find out what Louis was thinking was the culprit.

“Have you taken an aspirin yet?” Louis asked, looking back over to Niall as the tea steeped. When Niall shook his head ‘no’ he took a few steps away to get some out of the cabinet. He handed Niall the pills. Niall smiled his thank you, finishing off his water to swallow them.

“Zayn invited us to go to his friend’s band’s concert thing on Saturday. Small gig, nothing special. Zayn wants to try to fill up the bar though so that his friend can feel more popular than he really is. What do you think?” Louis asked.

“Sounds good, yeah,” Niall replied. Louis just nodded in response.

Niall stared at Louis, who was staring at the tea mugs.  _Tell him now_  he told himself,  _just say it, if you dont do it now you never will._ He could feel his stomach dropping. He opened his mouth to say something, to finally tell him... But he couldn't.

“Im sorry,” he said quietly, instead, “Kinda… ruined your plans for tonight, didn’t I… this headache.” When Louis looked back, his eyes instantly went down to the floor. He wished he could say it.

“Hey, man, don’t apologize for that,” Louis replied, his voice gentle, “You know your comfort’s more important than anything, right, Nialler?” he asked. When Niall simply nodded, he continued, “No, not good enough. Look at me. You understand that, right?”

“Yeah,” Niall said, making himself smile slightly,“‘Course I do, Lou.”

“Good. Now let’s drink our tea, watch some telly, and go to bed early so your head can get better, alright?” Louis smiled pleasantly. He leaned forward and kissed Niall’s cheek. "See you there," he said as he turned and walked away, his tea in hand.

Niall gives himself a minute to calm himself. Empty his mind. Find inner peace. Or whatever shit Harry had been spouting lately, who knows. But then he takes a deep breath and leaves to join Louis. His boyfriend. Whom he was in love with. Whom he couldn't love in the way Louis wanted him to.

\---

The next morning Louis was gone by the time he woke up. A note explaining he had to go in to work and was running late so he didn't wake Niall up. It said to go to Zayn's so he could lock the door before leaving. A cold cup of tea was on the table on his side of the bed though, making Niall smile.

He stayed there in bed for about half an hour, staring at the ceiling. "I'll tell him tonight," he said out loud, hoping that if he said it out loud enough times hed be able to work up the courage to do it.

He got his clothes together and drank his tea. With the rising anxiety in the back of his mind he couldn't help but clean up a bit around Louis' apartment. He washed the dishes--most of them his from the last few days, sorted out some of the random clothes on Louis' floor so that it was at least in neatish piles, and tossed out some of the obvious trash lying around the floor.

Finally he got to a point where he couldn't clean anything else without Louis there to tell him where to put it, and he didn't really want to phone him like "hey Lou I kinda went on a guilt motivated cleaning spree hope you don't mind now I was wondering what you'd like me to do with your dirty underwear... Clearly I'm having trouble hanging mine out to dry so I probably shouldn't be the one to wash them. Do you own a hamper?"

He sighed, and checked one last time to be sure he had his things. He closed Louis' door and crossed the hall to let Zayn know he was leaving.

\---

Louis didn't speak to him for the entire two days. It wasn't as if he was receiving the silent treatment, since every once in a while his suggestions for activities would receive a 'sorry can't chat/hang out rn we can chat later yea? Xx' which definitely made him think that Louis wasn’t  _purposely_ ignoring him... Right?

Saturday night arrived and he got a message from Louis saying only the location of the bar and a "Zayn and I will get there around 8. see u there Xx." Which was totally normal. Everything was cool between them. Totally not freaking out. Because like, even if Louis  _was_ mad at him, that doesn't necessarily mean that it was because of the whole sex thing. Maybe he forgot a birthday.

Niall got to the bar an hour early on accident. It was far enough that he couldn't just go home, so he sat at the bar and asked the bartender for a drink--couldn’t just loiter, right? And he couldn’t just let it sit there untouched...

He wasn't drunk yet when Louis and Zayn got there--he wasn't even buzzed, really, but he definitely had a head start. A head start not helped by their encouragement to drink more than them, since as A Genuine Irish he should be able to handle it, right? By the time Zayn's friend--Liam was his name--got on stage they were all three wasted enough to scream their undying love for him and his band (though Louis kept getting the name wrong). By the time they left Niall was properly wasted. Wasted, and content.

"Miss you," he mumbled into Louis' ear as he helped him into the taxi. "Iiiiiiiiii wanna cuddle," he said, pulling Louis in with him so he was sitting on Niall’s lap with his legs still sticking out of the vehicle.

Louis, though significantly drunk, was apparently less drunk than Niall. How unfortunate. "Niall, babe, I'd love to cuddle you too but you have to get yourself home..."

"Okay, point, but why can't you come home too?" Niall questioned into Louis' hair since if he moved then Louis would definitely get out of his bear hug. "I'd love to just... To sleep with you tonight," he said happily, slowly. He laughed slightly, but by the time he was laughing he already forgot what was funny.

Louis froze in his arms, turning his head. "Niall, do you mean... Sleep with me? Or like,  _sleep_ with me," he asked slowly.

Oh, right, that was the funny thing. He laughed even more. "Just sleep… Normal sleep. Like... R.A.M...? Dreams and shit."

"Right. Okay," Louis said slowly, "Um, yeah, actually, I think I'll come with you tonight. Make sure you get home safe and all. Scoot over let me get my feet in."

Niall let go so he could climb into the car, and lean over to tell the driver where to go. Niall smiled as he watched him. His face was so beautiful, illuminated by the lights of the bar. His hair was messy and sweaty and perfectly brushing his eyebrows. His skin was also sweaty and perfect--it managed to make him look like he was glowing. His expression, though...

He reached out to touch Louis' cheek, but the taxi started moving and he missed and hit his ear instead. It seemed much more romantic in his head but he rolled with it. "Stop making that face... I don't like it... I love your smile, you know..."

Louis smiled and turned to look at him. His face was a little redder than before. Good! Niall laughed again. "Legend," he mumbled before leaning back in to wrap his arms around Louis' waist and closing his eyes for just a moment.

When he opened his eyes again they were already home. How'd that happen?

Louis and Niall got out of the cab and into the house, slowly and surely. He was slightly more sober now, but only slightly. He could tell that Louis was still drunk too, judging by the way he struggled to get the key in the hole. Good, good. Its no fun being the only drunk.

Inside, he immediately flopped down on the couch, laying spread out and face down. "Tonight was wicked," he shouted into the cushion, but he was sure it came out as more of one long mumble.

He felt the couch move with Louis' weight just before he felt Louis lean back on to him, apparently having squeezed himself on the edge of the couch. "Are you feeling any better now?" Louis asked, "cuz you were pretty pissed..." He laughed, patting the top of Niall's back.

Niall moved his head so he could speak. "Maybe a little but I'm definitely still buzzed," he said, smiling back.

"Me too, man. Me too."

"We should probably do something about that if we don't want bad hangovers in the morning."

"Probably, yeah. Probably..."

They sat there for another minute, Niall content enough to have Louis' weight on his back and enjoying it too much to move.

"Tea then?" Louis finally asked, standing to head off to the kitchen. Niall loudly groaned his response.

He probably fell asleep again because when he opened his eyes again, Louis was sitting right in front of him, on the floor next to the couch, staring. His tea was in his hand--Nialls on the table behind him-- and that peculiar expression was back

"Good morning," Niall mumbled, unable to hold back the smile that came every time he woke up next to Louis, even if it was only a five minute drunken nap.

Louis smiled back, slightly, but it was brief. He took a deep breath, hesitating slightly, before saying, "So tell me... are you ever planning to actually suck my dick or are you going to just keep coming up with excuses not to?"

Niall was still a bit too drunk to process this. He sat up--quickly, too quickly--and grabbed his tea, taking a big gulp. It was still too hot and he burned his mouth. He didn’t mind that.

He had to say something, he knew that. He couldn't just stay quiet. He just had to say "I'm ace" and explain it and he'd be fine. Probably. The small part of his brain that was still sober tried its best, but couldn’t drown out the voice in the back of his head wondering why this was the first time Louis was ever actually showing interest in his personal life.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, pushing that thought aside so he could just admit he’s ace and be done with it. What came out instead was, "Can’t we do this tomorrow when I'm less... this."

"Something tells me if you won't give me a straight answer now it won't happen tomorrow either,” Louis said. He smiled slightly to himself, almost morbidly. "And I think I'd like to know if the answer is straight."

And even in the midst of what could easily be a life changing conversation, Niall can't help but laugh at Louis's jokes. Of course.

"So tell me, Niall. I don't only mean sucking dick of course... If that's just like, something you don't do that's fine." Louis rubbed the back of his head. It looked like he was starting to regret starting the conversation, but knowing Louis, it was too late to back out. Of course. "So what exactly are you okay with doing."

Niall took another sip of tea. "Dunno."

"Well have you ever sucked a dick before."

Niall shrugged. "Yeah," he said softly. He could feel his gut falling again. His mouth was getting dry. Why was this the first time he was talking about his exes?

"How many times?"

"Enough." Why did Louis only start to care about Niall’s history now, when it was relevant to  _him_?

"And did you like it? Why are you laughing."

Niall hadn’t even realized he was. "Not sure", he said,  _probably because I'm scared shirtless of answering this question._ "Probably because I didn't expect a fucking interrogation of my cocksucking skills, I’d guess," he could feel himself getting more and more irritated. He was too drunk to deal with this. The first time he was having the ‘my relationship history’ conversation was just to find out if he's a good lay? Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was the stress, but he could tell he was going to burst soon.

"Well this doesn't have to be an  _interrogation_ if you'd just tell me whether you’re straight or like dick!"

Niall laughed again. This time he was aware of it, though, and this time it was malicious. "If you're going to ask me something at least make sure it makes sense."

"What the fuck are you talking about."

"Not everyone with a dick is a man, Louis."

Louis stared, for a moment. Niall couldn't help but laugh again. It wasn't often that Louis was speechless.

"Whether or not I like dick has nothing to do with ether or not I like boys," Niall continued, since it was looking like Louis wasn't planning on saying anything. "I could be straight and love dick. Could be gayer than the moon and hate it. Whatever." This was something Louis knew. Niall knew that Louis knew it. He didn’t need the biology lesson.

Louis' eyes narrowed as Niall spoke. Niall could see the gears turning in his head, in the way his mouth twitched. As soon as Niall finished speaking he asked, "Why are you so scared"

"I'm not scared." Niall laughed

"You're avoiding the question and you always laugh like that when you're nervous."

"I'm not avoiding the question."

"Why are you so scared?" Louis asked again.

"When have I avoided a question, tell me."

"You're avoiding mine right now!"

"Only because it has a faulty premise and I can't answer something that's already wrong to begin with!"

"But you knew what I meant."

"No I didn't."

Louis scoffed. "Of course you did."

"It made no sense."

"Okay then what about this," Louis moved so he was at his knees in front of Niall, staring him in the eye, "Are you attracted to my body."

Niall's throat went dry. His eyes stung. But at this point he was too deep into the fight to lie but still too scared to tell the whole truth. In a split second he said what he knew was the worst possible answer. He stared Louis right in the eye and said, "No."

He regretted it a moment later, but like Louis he was too proud to take it back.

Louis' eyes twitched for a second, and Niall saw emotions there that he was too drunk to properly recognize. Louis backed up, resting on his feet for a moment.

"Okay then," he said simply, suddenly much calmer. He rose to his feet, stumbling a bit from drunkness. "I guess that's the answer I was expecting, if I'm honest." He picked up his empty mug and started to walk towards the kitchen. Niall could hear him at the sink rinsing it out a bit.

Niall groaned, mad at himself, and got to his feet to follow. He stopped in the doorway and said softly, "Lou... I'm sorry... I don’t know why I was so mad... I didnt mean... Can we talk about this."

Louis looked up from the sink. He had a sad morbid smile on his face. "I don't see what's left to talk about"

Niall wasn't sure if his gut could fall any lower. "Lots, probably." His voice cracked.

Louis turned to face him properly. "There's only one thing that matters, Niall. Was that the truth?" He stared, eyes piercing.

Niall hesitated.

"Did you tell the truth."

Niall closed his eyes, pinching his brow.

"Tell me."

"It wasn't the whole truth."

He heard Louis scoff, and could hear his eyes rolling. "Okay but what else  _could_ there be? What else is important here. If you're not attracted to me then what are we even doing here? Why am I bothering. I don't want to fall in love with someone who will never love me back. Someone who’ll lie about it.”

Niall couldn't breathe. He felt claustrophobic. He opened his eyes to look at Louis and his expression was even worse than he feared it would be.

He opened his mouth to object, but Louis was already storming past him and out the door. He was too drunk to deal with this. Too drunk too drunk too drunk. Why now? Why did Louis have to chose to gain an interest in Niall's life only when he was drunk enough to be spitefully honest.

He sighed and found his phone somewhere tucked between the couch cushions.  _"Can we please talk abt this 2morrow ehen we're both sobre"_ he typed in a text to Louis, and pressed send. He flopped back down on the couch, and stayed there until Harry came home.

"Are you going to stay there all night," Harry asked. Niall could tell without opening his eyes that Harry was terribly drunk.

"Just until Louis texts me back," he replied.

"Oh. Okay," Harry said. Niall could hear him approach, probably intending to help somehow, since even drunk Harry could tell something was wrong, but drunk Harry couldn't seem to find it in him to actually do anything because Niall heard him leave soon after.

_Just until Louis texts me back,_  he repeated in his head. Louis lived far. He probably just forgot to check his phone which is why it was taking so long.

He spent the next day with a sore back from sleeping on the couch.

He regularly sent texts for the next week, hoping that persistence would break the cold shoulder he was getting, but nothing worked. He wanted to scream.

He knew Louis was alive and well, at least, so that was a plus. The minus was that he knew this because Louis wouldn't stop sending passive aggressive tweets.

" _amazing how you'll think you know someone and then..."_

_"Dropped a mug today. Never really cared for this one but im a bit miffed about this mess!!"_ (Attached was a picture of the now-smashed mug Niall had always used. Used to use.)

“ _now your just somebody that i used to know_ ”

And then after ignoring Niall for an entire week, " _wow ! Best week I've had in a while !! :) :)_ "

" _thinking of getting a haircut. getting tired of flipping my hair all the time!_ "

Niall could never decide if he wanted to beg for Louis’ attention on twitter too or join in on the passive aggression, so his twitter remained empty for the longest time in a while.

Fans noticed quickly, though, somehow connecting the broken mug to one Niall had been using in one of their videos. The hair flipping to the song Niall wrote. The breakup tweets. Louis hadn't exactly been subtle, but Niall was still entirely impressed with how quickly their fans figured it all out. Truly were the best fans in the world, probably. He didn't expect they'd take it well when they’d find out there would be no more nouis videos.

Speaking of videos, Louis didn't stop making videos, by the way. The next song he sang was "Lies" by Marina and the Diamonds. It was a very cut and dry video, he didn't even introduce the song or ask for subscriptions at the end. He sat at his keyboard and stared right at the camera--at  _Niall_  specifically as he sang.

“ _You’re never gonna love me, so what’s the use?”_ he started, his eyebrows raising and eyes narrowing in a way that made the skin on the back of Niall’s neck tingle. He wanted to barf by the time Louis finished singing the first verse. “ _You’re too proud to say that you’ve made a mistake; you’re a_ coward  _to the end,_ ” he sang, and Niall couldn’t help but laugh at the fact that he was legitimately, from the bottom of his heart, worried that tomorrow’s headlines would read, “YouTube star Niall Horan found dead in his apartment after being glared at through the internet,” and “Researchers warn teens not to watch Louis Tomlinson’s new video, because his glare will literally kill you,” “Top 18 things Louis was thinking about in his new video.” When Louis got to the end of the second verse, he played one chord and let it stand in the air while he sang directly at the camera, “ _Cuz the night is your woman, and she’ll set you free_.” Niall just put his head in his hands and tried to remind himself how to breathe.

The day after the video came out Harry interrupted his nice peaceful and serene dinner.

“You look like hell, bro,” he opened with.

“No shit,” Niall replied.

“Wanna talk about it?”

“Not really.”

“Does this have anything to do with the cover Louis posted yesterday?”

Niall glanced at him. “Nope,” he said in a way that, hopefully, conveyed ‘ _stop fucking talking about it.’_

“It was a good cover. Have you seen it?”

“Yep.”

“I kinda want to listen to it again. I mean, since you have nothing you want to talk about, anyways,” Harry mumbled as he pulled out his phone and swiped around some.

It was only a few chords into the song that Niall caved and said, “Fine, okay, I’ll talk about it if you’ll stop being a prick.”

“I thought you said you love me the way I am,” Harry whined as he stopped the video and put his phone away, sitting across from Niall. “So what happened between you two.”

Niall closed his eyes. “I think he thinks I’m... straight?” he answered.

Harry seemed to consider it, then asked, “Did you tell him you’re straight?”

“No.”

“Did you tell him you’re ace?” Niall didn’t respond. “Well I mean, it’s pretty clear what you have to do here if you want him to stop thinking you’re straight. That or just lie.” He paused. “Don’t lie. That’s bad,” he added as an afterthought.

Niall groaned. “This whole mess started because I  _couldn’t_  tell him I’m ace, Harry. I don’t know what you expect me to do. Besides, He won’t even answer my texts or pick up my calls. I have no way of contacting him, let alone actually getting him to agree to talk to me face to face. Let alone getting me to actually say it.”

Harry stopped to consider this a moment, as he ate a carrot stolen from Niall’s stir fry. When he finished chewing, he said slowly, “I think I have an idea.”

\---

Niall sits in front of his computer, a grim look on his face. His hands are in front of him, fingers clasped. He starts, "Hey guys... Sorry but this isn't a song or video... Well it is a video but I suppose its not really the type you guys are looking for... Um." He runs his hand through his hair, looking away from the camera. On its own now, his other hand is shaking.

"I'm making this video today... cuz there's something I haven't really... Uh, told anyone... And I've always thought that it wasn't really relevant, and that it wouldn’t matter... And that like... If it did matter then I'd be able to tell whoever I needed to tell individually..." He scratches his chin.

"But really... I think its harder that way... You know? Telling someone a secret? Praying you won't see in their face that it changes things, even though they're so nice that they promise it never would. So like... Maybe I'm a coward--," A smile breaks through his morbid expression for just a moment, as if he just remembered something, "No, I'm definitely a coward, actually. Can't even pretend not to be, really. It’d be rude of me. So yeah... I'm a coward, but I figured that it’ll be easier to just stop keeping it a secret from  _anyone_  rather than telling it to just some. To the people I should've told... Mum... Dad... Greg... all my friends... and--” He pauses, staring at the camera for a second. He moves his mouth as if he was about to say something, but instead he looks down and closes his mouth instead, taking a deep breath, calming himself. "To all of you... I'm sorry to do it this way... You deserve better but I don't think I could do it. Sorry. Um. I think that's all I wanted to say, so I can't really stall anymore now can I... Gotta say it... I'm asexual.”

He purses his lips and blinks a few times after saying it, as if hes not used to the taste if the word.

"Um, this isn't like... A new thing... I've always been... Ace... So like, nothing’s changed. I'm still the same old Nialler. Just... Out,” he says with a much less morbid smile. "Then... I know the questions you guys are all gonna ask so let's get that out of the way now... Um, no I'm not a plant. Asexual is a sexual orientation where.. Um, some people are attracted to men, some are attracted to women,some are attracted to people that are neither some are attracted to more than one group... Then some are attracted to no one. That's me.

“I am  _not_ aromantic though ... So like... I can fall in love. That's an option. I can still think people are fit and stuff, just not in a sexual way," he laughs as if someone told a mediocre joke, flatly. "Basically I'd rather eat cake than eat someone out... No matter how much I might love--like them," he looks at his hands for a moment, where they’re fiddling on his lap.

"And um... I think that's it. Can't really think of any more hypothetical questions to answer. Guess this is the end of this video! Thanks in advance for your support, to the people who will support me... Sorry again for not telling some of you in person. Wish I could've. Really should've. And then... I expect some nasty responses honestly, so really I'm not going to be phased. Don't even bother if that's what you're looking to do. Um, I can't promise that I won't keep secrets in the future but I can promise that this is the truth right now. The whole truth. Thanks for watching this, guys, um... Promise I'll get back to doing proper videos soon. As always, let me know what it is you want to see us--me play and I'll see what I can do! Bye!"

Hr smiles at the camera and waves goodbye. The video ends.

\---

Louis got Niall's texts. He read them, and he was planning on answering them eventually. Maybe. When he stopped being angry, that is. So, probably never. But he considered it, at least. In vague hypotheticals.

He spent Sunday, the first day after cutting Niall out of his life, sitting in his room in the dark, watching Futurama on some probably illegal website. Thus, any tears that fell happened because of Fry's dog, not because of the wild and growing pit of sadness and betrayal and especially anger burning a hole in his stomach. It was the dog. Poor pup.

His phone lay under a dirty old pile of clothes, abandoned all day under the assumption that the notifications were all from Niall attempting to keep his blowjob supply steady and frequent. It wasn't until late that Louis realized that there were indeed other people in the world who were not the cause of his misery and might want to contact him as well.

He checked, and found one text from Zayn. " _if ur not w niall tonight I just_ " is as far as he got before he was on his feet and heading across the hall to Zayns apartment. He knocked a few times.

A minute. The door opened, and Zayn was there. "Why’re you crying Lou?" He asked before even saying hi. Louis wasn't crying. His face was still red from earlier, though, so he couldn't pretend he hadn’t been.

So instead he sniffled once and rubbed his nose and said, "The Futurama episode with the dog."

And Zayn, oh sweet, beautiful Zayn had to have known that wasn't the reason. But instead of saying that he simply opened his arms and drew him in for a hug there in the doorway. It felt like an eternity of warmth and love before he let go so they could get inside proper.

“What happened to him?” came a concerned voice from the couch.

“Liam, not now,” Zayn replied, closing the door.

“I’m concerned! Louis, are you okay? What happened? You look so sad. You look. You look like a sad puppy, is what you look like. Did something happen? Tell me what I can do to help and I’ll do--”

“You can help by making us tea, Liam,” Zayn interrupted, scratching his forehead. Liam nodded and jumped from the couch to the kitchen. Zayn led Louis to the couch and sat down, pulling his best friend in for a cuddle.

“You know his tea’s going to be shit,” Louis mumbled into Zayn’s chest.

“Yeah probably,” Zayn said into his hair, punctuated with a gentle kiss. “You going to tell me what happened or do you just want to rest a while?” He asked softly, cautiously.

“I’m fine. It’s just. It’s Niall.” He paused, but Zayn didn’t say anything. “He’s straight.”

He felt Zayn’s arm around him tighten and the arm on his back started to rub it comfortingly. “Bad luck, Lou… just bad luck,” he mumbled.

He lifted his head. “Once would be bad luck, Zayn. This is the second one in a row,” he whined, “They start dating me and suddenly it’s ‘actually, nope. not into boys.’ Am I really that terrible?”

"Oh no is Niall straight," Liam interrupted, coming back with three cups of tea balanced on a plate. Louis didn't answer but Zayn must've given him a look because he continued, "that sucks, Lou, I was rooting for you guys. I really thought he liked you. I might not be gay but I’ve been told my gaydar's one of the best. You know one tim--"

"Why are you even here?" Louis interrupted before he could start what was sure to be a magnificent story.

Liam gestured to the TV, where some video game had been on pause since he got there. Two controllers were on the coffee table in front of them. Louis frowned. He looked at Zayn.

"It's fine, Louis, I was bored anyways. And Liam was saying he wanted to head home soon," he replied, giving Liam a look that made it clear he hadn't actually been planning on going home soon.

But Liam, thankfully, replied, "uhh yeah I was. Getting a bit of a headache, you know... Wanted to take it easy... Rest a bit... Um... Have some soup."

Louis pretended that his lie was decent and said, "Have a safe trip home Liam don't get attacked by giant mutant ninjas."

"Why would I get attacked by giant mutant ninjas?"

"They live in the sewers. As long as you have a pizza you should be fine though," Louis said in his most matter of fact voice. He put his head back down on Zayn’s chest. His neck had been starting to hurt.

"Bye Liam," Zayn said, and the two of them exchanged some words Louis didn’t care about, and left.

The two boys stayed there on the couch in silence for a few minutes, Zayn gently running his fingers through Louis’ hair.

“I really thought he liked me back, you know. I think he might just be like… Closeted or something. In denial. Scared,” Louis mumbled.

He wasn’t sure if he was speaking loud enough for Zayn to hear him until he answered, “Even if that’s his problem, it’s not your responsibility to help him through that or put up with it.”

“Yeah, whatever.”

“He’s really missing out, you know.”

“Gee, Zayn if you really feel that way why don’t  _you_ just date me.”

“Hmm no, I don’t think I will. I don’t hate myself enough,” Zayn said as Louis reached up to lightly slap his face.

“Do you want to watch more Futurama with me,” Louis asked.

“Always,” Zayn replied.

\---

On Monday he had to go to work, unfortunately, but it was a slow day so he spent his time mentally working out an arrangement for his next cover. Scribbling down chords and notes to the side while pointedly ignoring his phone.

On Tuesday he started practicing the song. He took a picture of a mug he dropped a few times and kicked maybe once or twice and tweeted it before tossing it out.

On Wednesday he and Zayn got mildly tipsy and reminisced about their past relationships.

On Thursday he curled up in his blanket and watched movies from the Korean Drama section on Netflix all night.

On Friday, he drank enough alcohol that he wasn’t really sure what he did.

He woke up Saturday cuddled up with Zayn on his couch, and nutella all over both of them and their clothes.

On Sunday he recorded his cover and posted it. He watched the comments and his mentions on twitter more carefully than he’d care to admit, but they were interesting. Fans had already been speculating about him and Niall having troubles, due to his tweeting and Niall’s sudden disappearance, but the video basically confirmed their rumors in their minds and they instantly started tweeting at both him and Niall for details, support, side-picking, and “please get back together”s.

On Monday a few of his coworkers who watched his channel gave him sympathetic looks. Emily, the nurse, gave him a chocolate bar, telling him that she always gives it to students when they’re hurt. He liked Emily. She was nice.

On Tuesday, he got an ominous text from Zayn during work.

“ _have u been on twitter?_ ” it said.

“ _no_ ,” he replied.

“ _dont!_ ” Zayn sent just as Louis was moving his finger to go to the twitter app. “ _niall uploaded a video. u should watch it before going on twitter http://youtu..._ ”

Louis clicked on the link before he could tell himself it was a bad idea. “The Whole Truth,” the video was called. Louis wanted to roll his eyes, but also he fidgeted in his chair a bit when he realized all the secrets Niall knew about him. He excused himself to the bathroom to watch the video.

As soon as it started playing his breath stopped. It’d been well over a week since he’d seen Niall. Too long. The same hurt from last Saturday was still in his eyes. As soon as he started talking, Louis could tell something was up. He watched intently, sitting on a (thankfully closed) toilet seat in the men’s room with his headphones in and volume on low. And that’s how he found out Niall was asexual.

He wasn’t quite sure how long he stayed in that stall staring at the black screen of his phone, which had timed out ages ago. His mind was racing at a thousand miles per hour piecing together new information and old. Niall was asexual. That was why he said he wasn’t physically attracted to him. Because he wasn’t. But that didn’t mean he wasn’t interested.

He finally snapped back to reality and swiped his phone open. He didn’t hesitate before pressing send on a text to Niall saying, “ _we need tot alk. in person._ ” and afterwards he started to wonder if he should’ve worded that more carefully, or at least fixed the typo. That was when he realized then that he’d probably been in the bathroom longer than he should’ve been and returned to his desk. By the time he got there Niall had replied. “S _ure. im done around 5. Come to work?_ ” It said. He sent back a quick “ _ok,_ ” before putting his phone away so he could put on a facade of focusing, though his mind was still swimming.

He immediately started researching asexuality. He knew what it was, but he didn’t  _know_ what it was. The more he learned, though, the more he really understood Niall. The way Niall treated him, the way he showed his love, suddenly made sense. He barely got any work done the rest of the day. He couldn’t stop thinking about the video. He hadn’t even known that Niall had a brother. Niall had never told him anything.

As soon as the clock hit 4:30 he grabbed his coat and was out the door.

When he got to the shop, five minutes early, Niall was sitting in the table in the corner. Louis could see from the door the way Niall’s leg was bouncing, and the way he kept glancing around. Louis couldn’t blame him for being nervous, though, when he was, too. He took a deep breath of fresh air before entering the shop and approaching Niall.

“Hey,” he opened with, awkwardly.

Niall looked up. “Louis, hey. It’s nice to see you,” he replied. It was stilted. “Wasn’t sure if you wanted anything so I didn’t-- Uh, I mean, do you want anything?” He stood. “I was hoping maybe we could walk and talk… I’m kinda feeling uh, a bit claustrophobic here right now, sorry.”

“Some tea would be great, thanks,” he said, then paused. “Do you have claustrophobia?” he asked quieter than he intended.

Niall smiled and laughed slightly. “Yeah, but it's fine, you wouldn’t really know that,” he replied. Before Louis could react to that, though, he said, “The usual? and walked away to the counter to order.

Louis squinted his eyes, staring at the ground as he slumped into a chair. How did he not know about that, he wondered, until Niall came back with two cups. Louis stood and joined him outside.

Louis took his tea and walked next to Niall, who picked a direction and started walking.

"You okay?" Louis asked.

"Uh, yeah. I'll be fine," Niall said. His hands were shaking.

"Let me," Louis said, and he took his coffee, gently. "How come you never mentioned that you're claustrophobic"

"Never came up, I guess. It's been getting better the last few years anyways. Only really get it when I'm stressed  _and_ crowded so it's only happened a few times this year."

"This year? So. How many times since we started dating." Louis watched Niall's face, which was staring strictly ahead.

"Just once."

" _Just_ once?" Louis felt his mouth go dry. "Why didn’t you come to me for help? Or call me? I wish I'd known."

Niall shrugged. "I dunno," he said. He ran his fingers through his hair.

Louis frowned. "Something tells me this conversation won't go anywhere if you keep avoiding talking about yourself."

"What’s that supposed to mean?”

"I’ve realized, Niall, that I know next to nothing about you at all."

"And whys that my fault. It's not like you've ever bothered asking."

Louis hesitated. He wanted to say he didn't ask out of politeness or something like that, but that would have been a lie. Every fiber of his being told him to fight, to argue, but he was tired of fighting. All it took was that one sentence for him to realize that no, he hadn't ever asked Niall about himself, because he hadn't ever cared enough to. From his family, to his friends, to his relationships, to...

"I never even asked about your sexuality, did I," Louis mumbled, mostly to himself, "I just kind of assumed you were gay or bi and got mad and left when I found out you weren't."

Niall chuckled slightly, "Don't blame yourself for that one, Lou, I was the one who just let you. I should’ve told you. I wanted to. I really wanted to.”

Louis stopped, eyes squinted. He waited until Niall was stopped as well, and looking him in the eye before saying, “So why didn’t you?”

Niall sighed, and looked down at the ground. “I was scared.”

“Of what?” Louis said slowly.

“I dunno. I really don’t. I think just… Scared you wouldn’t like me anymore. Or that you’d think I lied to you, when I really--I tried my best to tell you I really did I was jus--”

“Niall, it’s alright. I was scared too. Too scared to trust you not to be lying to me. I was being stupid. I thought I was ready for a relationship, but… I guess I wasn’t. I’m sorry.”

“No I’m sorry. I couldn’t trust you with my secrets. That’s worse. It’s so much worse. You don’t have to be sorry.”

“Neither do you.”

“Agree to disagree?” Niall asked with a slight smile.

“Sure.”

“I’ll take my coffee back now,” Niall said. With his right hand free, Louis wanted to reach out and hold Niall’s left, but he didn’t. He wasn’t sure if he was allowed.

They each took a sip of their drinks silently, until Louis had to ask, “So what are we now, then?”

“Was hoping you’d know.”

Louis looked at the ground, thinking. He definitely still loved Niall. Definitely. But was that enough? Or had the bridge been burned. “I think that,” he said slowly, considering all his words, “at the very least, we’re friends again.”

“I think that’s a good start, yeah.”

“I don’t know if we’re still boyfriends.”

“I think I’d like to be.”

“I think I’d like to be, too, yeah.”

“Wish it were that simple.” Niall smiled sadly.

Louis smiled back. “Me too,” he said softly. “But I think we should start at friends”

Niall nodded. “Best to let things heal.”

 Louis nodded back, and they were there, standing there on a sidewalk in London, at the start of winter, nodding to each other. Louis had a feeling in his gut that things would work out alright.

\---

Niall and Louis are sitting on the floor, crosslegged, and facing each other. Niall’s guitar is on his lap, and Louis’ keyboard is off it’s stand and on his. They’re as close as they could get without impeding their ability to play. Louis is looking at the camera, and he says, “This is ‘Flaws,’ by Bastille.” He turns back to Niall, then starts playing. They sing together, watching each other’s faces carefully for cues.

  
When the song ends, they smile at each other, and the video ends.

 


End file.
